As a parent, there is nothing more fulfilling than spending quality time with your child. Whether it’s watching their favorite sport or simply enjoying a cup of coffee together, these moments are precious and irreplaceable. However, for some parents, like myself, these simple activities can be a source of anxiety and discomfort. You see, I cannot go to watch football with my son or sit in a cafe unless I have my back to the wall. This may seem like a trivial issue to some, but for me, it represents a loss of self and a constant battle with my own fears.
It all started a few years ago when I was involved in a car accident. Physically, I was lucky to walk away with only minor injuries, but mentally, the experience left a lasting impact on me. I developed a fear of being in crowded or open spaces, constantly feeling exposed and vulnerable. This fear gradually seeped into every aspect of my life, including my relationship with my son.
My son, like most boys his age, is a huge football fan. He loves everything about the sport, from playing it to watching it on TV. As a doting father, I wanted to share in his passion and bond over our mutual love for the game. However, every time we would go to a football match, I would feel extremely uncomfortable and on edge. The thought of being surrounded by a large crowd, with my back exposed, would send my heart racing and my palms sweating. I would constantly be on the lookout for potential threats, unable to fully enjoy the game or the time spent with my son.
Similarly, going to a cafe or a restaurant with my son would also be a challenge. I would always insist on sitting with my back against the wall, even if it meant waiting for a table to become available. This may seem like a small request, but it would often cause inconvenience and frustration for my son. He couldn’t understand why I always had to sit in a certain way, and I couldn’t explain it to him either. I felt like I was losing out on precious moments with my son, all because of my irrational fears.
It wasn’t until I sought help and started therapy that I realized the impact these fears were having on my life. I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), a condition that affects millions of people worldwide. It is a mental health disorder that can develop after experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event. For me, the car accident was the trigger that led to my PTSD, and it had been silently controlling my life ever since.
Through therapy, I learned coping mechanisms and techniques to manage my fears. I also started to understand the root cause of my anxiety and how to overcome it. It was a long and challenging journey, but with the support of my family and the guidance of my therapist, I was able to make progress. Slowly but surely, I started to regain control of my life and my fears no longer held me back.
Today, I am proud to say that I can go to a football match with my son and sit in a cafe without feeling the need to have my back against the wall. I am able to fully enjoy these moments with my son, without the constant worry and anxiety. It may seem like a small victory, but for me, it represents a huge milestone in my journey towards healing.
Having gone through this experience, I have come to realize the importance of seeking help and talking about mental health. There is still a stigma surrounding mental health, and many people suffer in silence, afraid to seek help or talk about their struggles. But the truth is, mental health is just as important as physical health, and seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
I also want to encourage parents who may be going through a similar experience to not let their fears control their relationship with their children. It is important to seek help and work towards overcoming these fears, so you can fully enjoy the precious moments with your child. Don’t let your fears rob you of the joy and love that comes with being a parent.
In conclusion, I may have lost a part of myself due to my fears, but I have also gained a newfound strength and resilience. I am no longer held back by my anxieties, and I am able to fully embrace life and all its experiences. Most importantly, I am able to be the best version of myself for my son, and that is all that matters.
